My world is going to a down path where its been like this after i quit the job...
I had been explaining myself of me changing my career path of not being a technician anymore...
But my parents are just being so hard headed n so stubborn of not listening to me or any sort of my own explanation, still keep pushing to the valley of the death, of no return...
I hate my life being pushed, I hate my life being controlled, I hate my life of being a dumb ass...

I just need a chance to change, just need a reason so strong that make my parents to turn around n look at me again...
Why are my friends can do whatever they can without giving so much effort while I giving out all my effort on things we are doing together yet I have no payback....

I am still a dumb ass  at the end of the day, I am still a failure at the end of the Earth,
I had been looking down on since the day I born, I had been never appreciated on the day I born,
Nothing I do is able to make my parents happy, NOTHING....
They never trust me,
They never listen to me,
They always look down on me for thing I do,
It always failures for things I wanted to do,
Never in my life ever, my parents give trusts or supports on what I do....

I am always the black sheep of the family, I am always the one who bring shame to my family,
I am always the failure of the family, I am always the dumb ass to my family,
What else do I have to proof myself?
What worth do I have to stay alive?
What reason do I have to be in this house?

None....

O'holy God of Death, Bring ford your scythe, Cut the soul inside me, Take my soul away,
From this cruel world, From this reality, From this unfaithful universe....

I am dying, oh so slowly...
I am lonely, I am useless,
I have nothing but only a family,
no friends, no money, no work, no love,
my heart is beginning to turn into a stone.
hard stone build of sorrows and despairs,
I shouldn't have born if I am born this way,
I shouldn't have lived if I am living a life without a dream,

dreams shattered, into pieces,
tried to piece them back,
bit by bit, piece by piece,
try to make it a whole,
but shattered easily just by a light touch,

dream of a dream living in darkness,
where it swallows me as a whole,
and eats me as a failure,
failure of life, failure of a human being.

I wanna DIE....

Frustration isn't going anyway until you find a good way to release them...
That saying is correct, no idea who written that or said that, but its true...
Not matter how we try to forget our frustration, it gets back at us, ten times more...
From time to time, never miss, and the only way to release them is to find a way to let it out....

Some might say try exercising, not bad, a very good way to release your frustration,
Its healthy, make you sweat, and give you a very good body too, but some doesn't like it,
Too much work, you have to move around too much, you are too frustrated to do that...

Some might say try do some chores, not bad, another good way to release all the frustration you get,
Its beneficial, make your house looks cleaner, make your living space more like one,
Make you wanna do more, but still some wouldn't like them, why?
I scared I might break something, I scared i would make even more mess due to the frustration...

People gives excuses to every little thing they do, none other than GODs...
People try to run away from their responsibilities,
People try to forget what they have to do to make things right,
People try not to listen to those who have more wisdom,
People try to fuck up things when they get frustrated....

Why do we get frustration from people we don't even care?
Why do we get to see so much of idiotic people make fun of themselves?
Why do we get to feel the pain of others while we can't do something to help them feel better?
Why do we need to live without a purpose in life?n to find one if there is none at the moment?

So many questions unanswered,
So many frustrations piled up,
So many actions taken,
So many things done,
Yet, none prevail, none succeed, none has a purpose to go on...

I am here to run away from my reality,
I am here to release all my tensions,
I am here to fuck my life up,
I am here to see if things are all right after,
Too bad, its no use, n things are just fuck up as they do......

Killing myself slowly to see the world destroying on its own,
That is what I am doing now.......

I am frustrated,
That is all I know,
I am tensed,
That is all I know,
I am fuck,
That is all I know,

Why?
no reason, because that is how I am,
I don't know why do I have to go thru this
I don't know why do I have to be like this

For doing things in a too simple way?
For doing things for free?
For doing things like a real gentleman?
For doing things by just simply asking?

I get blame at the end for everything I do,
So what is the reason I did them?
Did I do that to make myself feel better?
Did I do that so that I can make myself look good?

FOR FUCKS I DO THOSE THINGS?
FUCKS I CARE IF YOU ARE NOT ONE I CARE?
FUCKS I WOULD GIVE?

Why?just tell me why?someone?anyone?
Why do I get blamed?
Why do I get nothing?
Why do I fail at everything?
Why am I me?Why am I here? Why am I even born?

I seems to be dull some times....
I seems to be dumb some times...
I seems to be idiotic some times...
I seems to be restless some times....

I am not myself when I am around your,
My heart goes on a highway races,
My brain goes on a never ending spinning gear,
My stomach is plunge into a chaos with butterflies.

Do I really need to say it out so that you would understand how I feel?
Do I really need to join all the letters together to let you know my feelings?
Do I really need to arrange all those words for you to read to let you know I truly love you?
Do I, no, Have I not make myself clear enough?

Truth is all I had left with,
Word is all I had to make u mine,
Feeling is all I had to show what I am,
Courage is all I had to take you away from others,
Love is all I need to proof what I made of.

I do soar when you cries,
I do feel when you're in need,
I do love when you're smiling,
I do react when you're crying,
I do cry when you're injured.

Please tell her that I truly LOVE her.
Please tell her that I truly CHERISH her.
Please tell her that I truly APPRECIATE her.

I LOVE YOU

How long do I need to wait?
How long do I need to sit?
How long do I need to pray?
How long do I need to joke?
For the one I desire the most

People comes, people leaves, that is how life is like....
We can't stop them from coming and interrupt our peaceful life
Nor we can't stop them from leaving our life...

They can come by just to say 'hi', just to check you out if you're ok,
They can also leave you lonely, and leave you only memories with them in them...
They can make you happy as if the world has no worries,
They can make you cry as if the world has turn into chaos...
They can be the light at the darkest moment,
Yet they can also be the darkness that covers our heart....

Please, be my ears, listen to me, I want to change,
Give me the strength to keep on,
Please, be gentle hands, touch me, I want to be happy,
Give me the happiness i longed for,
Please, be my heart, feel me, I want to love,
Give me the one I desire, to show her love.